Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
