he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
