everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
