i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry my hands just texted you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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