I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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