I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
