piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Everclear isn't food dammit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
