dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
