Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
