I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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