I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
