A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
