My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
