is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
PANTIES FOUND
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