On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
