I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
