im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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