Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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