i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
