I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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