Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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