Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
