Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
