Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
