decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
