do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
