I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
