Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
