On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
