i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
