Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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