The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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