all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
