Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
