I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
