He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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