It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
