Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
