my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
