sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
