all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
