Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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