I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
