idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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