If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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