Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
