I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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