Dual....:-)
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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