Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
