The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
