He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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