Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
