handjob tips. give me some.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
