i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
