im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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