I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
