Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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